June 11 2016 – iPhone 5s.
Being someone who never lets anyone in. Never lets anyone come near. Always being on guard. Being suspicious and overcautious. Never lets anyone too close. Always wearing some kind of “protective cover”. Just in case. I was exactly like that. I found it difficult letting people in. I was never excessively social or outgoing and often withdrew myself away. And always on guard. After a while I started to feel trust again. I started to let people in. But then I got hurt again. I started wearing the protective cover again. I became suspicious and overcautious. Again. Never let anyone in. And I was perceived as being both arrogant and snobby. But after some time I started to feel trust. Again. There are people out there who don’t do any harm. I started to let go of my suspiciousness and realized I didn’t have to wear the protective cover. I started to feel trust. Opened myself up. Even if I’m a loner and will always be, I liked being among people. Hanging out. Being me. Without being on guard or being tense. Without being reserved. But this feeling keeps coming back. Over and over again. I can’t feel this total trust and I still feel suspicious. I feel like I’m opening up myself too much sometimes. And maybe I’ll get hurt once again. I don’t know. This constant fear. (MEH)