Be on your guard

June 11 2016 – iPhone 5s.

Being someone who never lets anyone in. Never lets anyone come near. Always being on guard. Being suspicious and overcautious. Never lets anyone too close. Always wearing  some kind of “protective cover”. Just in case. I was exactly like that. I found it difficult letting people in. I was never excessively social or outgoing and often withdrew myself away. And always on guard. After a while I started to feel trust again. I started to let people in. But then I got hurt again. I started wearing the protective cover again. I became suspicious and overcautious. Again. Never let anyone in. And I was perceived as being both arrogant and snobby. But after some time I started to feel trust. Again. There are people out there who don’t do any harm. I started to let go of my suspiciousness and realized I didn’t have to wear the protective cover. I started to feel trust. Opened myself up. Even if I’m a loner and will always be, I liked being among people. Hanging out. Being me. Without being on guard or being tense. Without being reserved. But this feeling keeps coming back. Over and over again. I can’t feel this total trust and I still feel suspicious. I feel like I’m opening up myself too much sometimes. And maybe I’ll get hurt once again. I don’t know. This constant fear. (MEH)

16 comments

  1. the Devil within..makes sense to me! We tend to make the same mistakes, time and time again, breaking out, becoming someone else, better able to face this life is not an easy thing to do. I have been struggling with that for the last 50 years!!..Hmmm, never mind. Good photo, Malin.

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  2. It sure can be a balancing act. I tend to follow my gut feeling. It works, most of the time… Excellent photo! The trails leading forward, then that unexpected sudden braking, trying to avoiding getting hurt…

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  3. Maybe I’m a loner too, Malin, I don’t know. But I do know that each and every one of us is different in the way we interact with and “deal with” Life. So, you and I are not the same, and what works for me may not work for you – but, that said and understood, my advice to you is to disregard the hurt and the fear – don’t dwell on what might happen, just do it. If the hurt comes, well it comes, but it should not hold fear for you. Adrian

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  4. I recognize myself and can relate to these words, letter by letter. It is not an easy thing, finding that trust within, I think some of us have to struggle with that all our lifes in one way or the other. I don’t understand the human race at all! Very well described and I really like the tracks on each side of your shadow. They could represent protection both ways!

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