May 31 2015 – Photography… To me everything’s about what I see and most important of all… what I feel. Most of us see the camera as a tool and it is, but it’s not only a tool – it’s an opportunity to express yourself and you are the only one who set the boundaries. And if you think about it; there are no boundaries whatsoever. You can create whatever you want and when saying that I mean being creative while photographing. Not in front of the computer. But you can do that too of course, it’s up to you. I prefer being creative while I’m out photographing, whether it’s about slow shutter speeds, double exposures, multi exposures, different filters or being creative with a home made pinhole lens… And everything is coming from the inside. Your thoughts, your feelings, what you feel like at the moment… You can create whatever you feel like, you have all the answers. We all have an inner map deep inside, some kind of inner landscape. You might see it if you close your eyes and feel it. This takes time and it’s nothing you will accomplish in five minutes or so. Practice, practice and practice. I use to compare this to as if you are meditating, which I do quite often nowadays. And that has, believe it or not, helped me a lot in my creativity as a photographer. You need a lot of patience and you need to focus.
I started photographing when I was about ten years old and the camera gave me a sense of security. What caught my eye were all these ordinary daily life-moments, suddenly I was able to freeze them. They would never disappear and I could keep them forever. I have relived all these moments over and over again… Looking at the past in the present and looking at the present in the past. Everything becomes timeless somehow. When I talk about this I often compare it to the feeling from when I was keeping journal when growing up… I always used to write “Now” and “Right now” (as if I were freezing the moment) in my journal and I was thinking about the future, when I will be reading this as an adult… Will I look at it as a “now” moment from the past or will it be a “now” moment in present time. This may sound very weird and maybe I’m the only one who did these kind of “strange” things when growing up.
I also like to write, no matter what it is… poems, thoughts or articles, but I’m of course more of a photographer than a writer. I often combine my images with texts too, when I feel like doing it. My images become my words and my way of expressing feelings. When I go back to my archive I can see the “now” moments from the past.
As a photographer I have always been fascinated with the forgotten, life stories, other people’s way of seeing things, the melancholy and the pensiveness – this is what describes me the most. I always revisit the ordinary daily life, the most trivial things and moments the same way I did when I was ten years old. All these moments become something unusual and interesting. I’m always looking and searching for something, no matter if it is with my camera or my iPhone camera. I can’t avoid seeing things, it’s just there.
Something I have always felt, as long as I can remember, is the feeling of being on the outside looking in or being on the inside looking out. Somehow I’ve always observed my inside and outside alike. My eyes are never really resting, photographing is as important to me as it is to drink and eat. When photographing, I feel as if I’m developing myself, not only as a photographer, but as human being as well. In the process I also think it’s quite important to revisit the archive, in that way I get to know myself a bit more, maybe I realize more about myself today, things I didn’t realize back then.
I remember I recognized myself a lot in the movie “Everlasting moments” (Swedish title: Maria Larssons eviga ögonblick), I was very fascinated by her way of seeing things. It was almost like watching a movie about me, because I could relate so much to the way she saw things around her. There were so much to see, so many things to explore and I always felt as if the camera and I were meant to be. My eyes never rest and it has been like this for as long as I can remember. I was always the one who watched people’s faces, expressions, details… I never missed a thing. Is it a gift or a curse? Maybe both of them? I don’t know. But there have been times when I wished my eyes could rest, at least for a day or two. I am who I am and I guess there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m a photographer… Period. Though I’ll have to admit that I have thought about quitting photographing. But it seems impossible, I can’t quit – so I will continue doing what I’m doing for as long as I live. There are so many everlasting moments left to experience.